Depths of Hell
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: AU for "Homecoming". Somebody holds Adam Ruzek responsible for Alvin Olinsky's death, will he survive what comes next?
1. Chapter 1

Depths of Hell

Alvin Olinsky was dead, and it was all Adam Ruzek's fault. He knew this, he was forced to accept it. Nothing that had happened in the past few days would've happened, if he hadn't tried to bury his sister's DUI arrest. Woods wouldn't have sniffed it out, he wouldn't have blackmailed Ruzek into digging up dirt on Voight, he wouldn't have used the threat of Olinsky's arrest for the murder of Bingham into securing a confession from Voight, and Al wouldn't have been shanked in prison and died on the operating table. All of it came back on Ruzek.

He'd worked the case of Olinsky's murder with everyone else, but when it was finally over, he went home, drank every last drop of alcohol in his apartment, let his pent up anger and grief fester until he walked around his apartment and smashed everything in sight. He flung the bottles off the table and watched them shatter on the floor. He put his foot through the TV screen, heard the glass break, heard the electrical current buzz, saw a few sparks fly out of it. He walked up to the walls and hit them until his fists went through the drywall. When he ran out of energy to destroy everything in sight, he sank down on his knees and broke down sobbing.

The funeral was the next day, and as a police officer, Ruzek was obligated to attend, but he didn't. He couldn't face the others, he couldn't face what he'd done. He couldn't look at that casket and know the only reason Al was in it was because he'd screwed up. He stood at his window and looked out at the city, trying not to think about the funeral, about what was going on at every single minute. He'd already been to enough police funerals to have a good idea how far along it was, and where everybody would be at the cemetery. He stood before the windows and looked out at the city until the sky turned gold and the sun started to set. He had no concept of how long he'd been standing there, his legs were numb but he was able to turn and walk away.

Once the sun set it became dark quick, and before long it was pitch dark out, and out of nowhere, it had started to rain. It was pouring down. Now for some unknown reason, Ruzek felt compelled to go out to the cemetery and pay his respects, though he wondered if Al, wherever he was now, would actually accept them.

He drove out to the cemetery and found the gate open, he pulled up to where a fresh grave had been recently covered, and had already been decorated by dozens of bouquets of flowers, and candles, and cards. Forcing himself out of the car, he walked over to the freshly planted tombstone, and actually reading what was on it about killed him.

"I'm sorry, Al," Ruzek couldn't raise his voice above a shamed whisper.

He put his hand on the granite marker and felt along the edge and the engraving.

"I'm so damn sorry, Al."

The sky exploded in a blinding flash of lightning and a crack of thunder that shook the ground under Ruzek's feet. Suddenly he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as a sudden sensation came over him that he wasn't alone. He turned around and his heart stopped as he saw Hank Voight standing under a tree, his hands in his pockets, just glaring at Ruzek. There was another clap of thunder and Voight started walking towards him.

"Voight, I am so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Adam said.

Voight waited until he was two steps away from Ruzek before responding, "Well it did," and he grabbed Adam by his collar and put his throat in a death grip.

Adam wheezed and struggled as Voight choked the life out of him. Then before Ruzek knew what was happening, Voight knocked him backwards and he fell and hit his head against the tombstone.

"Voight!"

Adam's eyes widened in shock and fear as he saw Voight had taken out his gun and had it aimed down at him.

"You killed my partner," Hank told him. "You go behind my back to rat me out to the feds and you get my best friend killed in the process to save your _own_ ass."

"Hank, don't!"

A shot was the next sound that graced the air, and Ruzek felt a sudden excruciating pain as he was shot in the abdomen. He felt the bullet rip through his flesh and muscles and he threw his head back and screamed in unimaginable pain. He looked behind him, and his jaw dropped in sheer terror.

Alvin.

There he was, looking alive and well, standing, no, almost _hovering_ just inches away from him.

"Al!" Ruzek called out to his mentor and friend. But Alvin didn't move.

Voight kicked Ruzek in the ribs and he screamed again as he could swear he heard a couple of them break.

"Alvin!" Ruzek screamed louder, desperate for all of this to stop.

Voight locked his hands over Ruzek's wrists in a death grip and pinned his arms high over his head.

"Stop fighting, Ruzek, you're only making it worse for yourself," he said as he tightened his grip even more.

"Alvin!"

He didn't actually see Olinsky take a step towards him, but the next thing Ruzek saw was Al hovering over him.

"Alvin, please!"

The older detective looked down at Adam with his usual unreadable expression void of any emotions. Though he would've sworn he saw something different in Al's eyes, a trace of pity perhaps.

"Take it easy, kid," he said, in that same voice he always addressed Ruzek with, "it won't be for much longer."

"Alvin, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen! Alvin, please!"

Voight jerked Ruzek's arms with enough force Adam heard his shoulders pop, and he screamed in agony again. A couple more times and he was sure Hank would dislocate them completely. The thunder continued to roar above, partially drowning out Ruzek's screams and pleas for the torture to stop.

* * *

"Ruzek!"

Hank Voight came on the scene after hearing two shots, and with only the light of the street lamps to see by, automatically saw one of his men down, another one standing, and the shooter on the other side of the street ready to fire again. Voight beat him to the punch and emptied five rounds into the gunman.

"Olinsky!" Voight ran over to see what had happened.

Alvin was crouched down beside Ruzek trying to assess the damage. "He saw the gun before I did, he pushed me out of the way."

Voight turned on his flashlight and they traced the entry wound to Ruzek's lower torso, his bullet proof vest hadn't been able to stop it. He was losing a lot of blood fast, Voight got on his radio and screamed for the others to bring the van over to their location and gave orders for Antonio to have the first aid kit ready to go, they had to get pressure on the wound and rush him to the hospital ASAP, they couldn't wait on an ambo. Adjusting the light he saw that Ruzek's forehead was bleeding too, but a quick inspection turned up it was only grazed. Adam's pupils weren't dilated but they still looked like he was a million miles away.

"Stay with us, kid, you'll be alright," Voight said as he pressed both hands against the bullet wound to keep the bleeding in check until the others got there, which was about 15 seconds later.

The van pulled up to a screeching halt and everybody jumped out. Antonio had already ripped all the gauze pads out of their wrappers and helped Voight pack the wound the best they could. Then they pressed the rest of the pads against the wound and secured them in place with bandage tape.

"We gotta move him, we gotta get him to Med ourselves," Voight said, "so everybody get ready to lift him and keep him as still as possible."

"Got it, Sarge," Atwater said.

Voight addressed Halstead and told him, "Get ready to drive like hell."

"On it!" Jay ran on ahead and jumped in the driver's seat.

Voight, Olinsky, Atwater and Antonio all got on one side of Ruzek and grabbed him.

"On my count," Voight told them, "Now!"

They lifted Ruzek's body up and slid him into the back of the van and piled in, and they took off for the hospital.

Shortly after they tore out of there, Ruzek's head started bobbing from side to side as if he was trying to see something, and he raised a hand and called out, "Al? Al?"

"I'm right here, man," Olinsky told him as he kept his hands pressed against the gauze to maintain pressure.

But Ruzek didn't seem to hear him. With a completely lost look on his face, he looked up and said, "Al, I'm sorry."

"This can't be good," Antonio murmured.

Adam's body tensed and nobody was sure what to make of it, suddenly he shifted gears and the next thing they heard him saying was, "I'm sorry, Voight."

Hank wasn't sure what it was about, but he responded, "It's alright, we'll be there soon."

Suddenly, Ruzek screamed as if the pain was just starting to hit him, and he panicked and tried to get up, everybody had to grab him and hold him down before the situation became worse than it was. Voight grabbed his wrists and pinned them over his head.

"Hank, don't!"

Voight knew he wasn't holding on that hard, and he was worried what this meant where Ruzek's mental state was concerned.

Olinsky could feel the blood leaking through the gauze pads and pressed harder on the wound, Ruzek struggled against it and screamed louder than before.

"Atwater, hold him!"

Kevin took the middle ground and pressed against Ruzek's upper torso so he couldn't weave around on the floor, Ruzek continued to scream in excruciating pain and tried to writhe around under them, and made it harder for everybody to maintain a hold on him. Voight tightened his hold on Ruzek's wrists into a death grip. Without looking at the man, Ruzek started calling out Olinsky's name, as if asking the older man to help.

"Ruzek, stop fighting, you're only making it worse for yourself," Voight told the man bleeding on the floor under him.

But Adam wasn't hearing him. He continued to struggle under the restraint of three men and continued to scream out, "Alvin, please!"

"Take it easy, kid, it won't be for much longer," Olinsky told him, figuring they had to be damn close to the hospital by now.

Futile though it was, Ruzek continued to struggle against their hold and continued to scream out pained cries of apology, for what was beyond anybody's guess.

"We're here!" Jay called from the front seat.

"About time!" Voight said.

The back doors of the van opened and the paramedics were there with a gurney.

"We'll take it from here," one of them said. He looked at Voight, who was still holding Ruzek's wrists as he lay on the floor struggling, and told him, "You can let go now, sir."

Voight shook his head, "Forget it...I let go of him, he'll kill you out of pure instinct, I'm not letting go until he's sedated."

"We can't do that until he's moved," the paramedic told him.

Voight looked at the man and responded bluntly, "Then lead the way."

One by one the other detectives got out of the van, the paramedics got in place to move Ruzek onto the gurney, Voight kept an iron grip on the younger man's arms and on three, they all lifted and got him on the gurney and strapped him on. Through it all he never stopped screaming or struggling against them, and when they tried to get Voight to let go to lay his arms down at his sides, Ruzek lashed out and started ripping the gauze off, so Voight latched his hands back on the younger man's wrists so he couldn't harm himself or anyone else, in the process they heard his shoulders pop and Ruzek screamed even louder. Voight stepped out of the van and kept Ruzek's hands over his head as they took him in through the front doors of the hospital, and quickly caught the paramedics up on Ruzek's medical history, which was promptly passed along to Will Halstead.

"Tell me you can sedate him," Voight said.

"We'll get him prepped for surgery and take it from there," Will said, "He won't feel anything by the time we start."

"And how long's that going to take?" Voight asked.

"We'll get a line in him and start right away," Will said as they neared the OR doors, "I'm sorry but you'll have to stay here."

"You're telling _me_?" Voight asked.

Under him, Ruzek wriggled from side to side around his restraints and was still yelling, tears were pouring from his eyes as he continuously screamed in agony. Voight was sure there wasn't any way Adam could hear him, but all the same he lowered his head towards Ruzek's ear and told him, "You just hang tight, Ruzek, you got the best doctors in the city of Chicago working on you, you got this."

Al came up beside him and looked down at the man writhing on the gurney and told him, "You'll be alright, kid, we'll be right here when you come out."

Ruzek was hooked up to an IV and as the drugs started to take effect, the fight started to leave him and he gradually wore down and couldn't struggle anymore. Finally, Voight let go of his wrists, which were bruised with telltale handprints now, and they wheeled him past the OR doors, leaving Voight and Olinsky standing in the middle of the hall, Ruzek's blood on their clothes and Alvin's hands. He looked down and noticed Voight's own hands were also covered in blood, his half dried, other than that his hands were void of any and all color from all the time he spent holding Ruzek's arms in a death grip to keep him from harming himself.

* * *

Al leaned back in his chair in the waiting room. Surgery was taking forever, it had been a long night already and showed no signs of letting up anytime soon.

"You alright?" he asked Hank.

"I'm fine," Voight responded.

"You don't usually wear a hole in the floor," Olinsky pointed out as the sergeant continued to pace around the waiting room.

"I don't usually sit on my knees for 20 blocks in a van," Voight replied, "I don't feel like sitting down."

"What do you think he was talking about back there?" Alvin asked.

Voight shrugged, "He was delirious from blood loss."

"Yeah, well don't look now but here comes something to be _sorry_ about," Al said.

Voight turned and saw a familiar and unwanted face as Denny Woods entered the waiting room. Smug bastard, even now he had that Cheshire cat grin on his face.

"Hank," he said, "Olinsky."

"What're you doing here, Denny?" Voight asked.

"Well I'd heard that one of your men was shot in the line of duty tonight," Woods replied, still not able to wipe that condescending smirk off his face. "I thought I'd come and see how you were holding up."

Voight pursed his lips together and merely grunted, "Mm", the way he always did when he waited to see what somebody was going to say to hang themselves.

"How _is_ Ruzek holding up?" Woods asked.

"Still in surgery," Voight answered. "You can leave now."

Woods actually had the gall to laugh. "There's no need to be uncivilized, Hank. We're all old friends here."

He was good. His statement was so sudden and unexpected, that Voight actually missed half a beat, before responding, "You have a strange way of remembering things, Denny."

Woods took a step back and replied, "Okay, I get it, you're worried about your guy, I get it, I'll come by another time and we'll...chat."

"Hm," Voight grunted.

Neither of them said anything as Woods turned and left, once he was finally gone Olinsky said to Hank, "I think the flowers at the front desk wilted when he went by."

"What the hell was that about?" Voight asked.

"Beats me," Al replied.

"Al!"

The two men turned at the mention of Olinsky's name and Voight saw Burgess a second before she collided against Olinsky and hugged him.

This caught both of them off guard, it took Al a couple seconds to shake it off and reply, "Hey, Kim."

Burgess pulled back and said, "Antonio told me what happened...are you okay?"

"Ah, yeah, I'm fine," Al said.

Kim turned to Voight, "Adam?"

"Doctor hasn't come out yet," Hank said.

"W-wh-" Kim looked from one to the other and asked, "Is that good or bad?"

"He was shot, Kim," Voight said simply, "every surgery's different."

"How long's he been in there?" she asked.

"About an hour," he answered.

"And the guy who shot him?" Kim asked.

"Dead," Voight said simply.

"Hank." Maggie came up to them and said, "I thought I'd let you know, there have been some minor complications, but it doesn't look serious."

"What kind of complications?" Voight asked.

"The bullet hit Ruzek's appendix, it had to be removed in addition to the bullet," Maggie said. "The other thing he is apparently woke up halfway through the surgery and had to be put under again." She noted the mortified look on Burgess' face and explained, "It's not uncommon for patients to come to during the surgery, a lot of doctors try to cover their asses by saying anything remembered at that point was just a dream and couldn't possibly be anything heard during the surgery."

"But?" Voight asked.

"Will mentioned that when he woke up, he was trying to talk," Maggie said, "I don't know if this time it actually _was_ a dream or if it had something to do with before he was brought in."

"What'd he say?" Alvin asked.

"It's my understanding it sounded like he just kept trying to say 'Sorry', over, and over," Maggie told them.

"What does that mean?" Kim asked after Maggie left.

"I don't know," Voight told her as he finally sat down. "He was doing the same thing the whole way to the hospital."


	2. Chapter 2

Adam was riding shotgun in Al's car as they headed out to meet a CI. It was a nice change of pace to momentarily take his mind off of the mess he was in with Woods.

"Remember the first time we met?" Alvin asked.

"At the academy?" he replied.

"That's right. You were on top of your instructor."

Adam laughed in remembrance, "It was a hostage drill, we were supposed to disarm him."

"Yeah, you beat him up."

"I disarmed him."

There was a brief pause before Alvin told him, "You know, you've always been like a son to me."

Adam didn't even know how to respond to that. Then he looked out his window and realized something.

"I thought we were going to the south side."

There was another pause before Al answered, "Yeah, we just change the venue."

Ruzek wasn't sure why, but he was starting to get a knot in the pit of his stomach.

They drove along in silence for a while, until they finally pulled up alongside an old abandoned warehouse. Facing across from them was another car with its lights on.

"That's the CI?" Adam asked.

The other car hit its high beams, flashing a blinding light into their car so they couldn't see the driver. Ruzek felt his heart steadily climbing into his throat.

"Yeah, come on," Al said as he reached for his door.

Al got out, Ruzek stayed in for a second and looked over at the other car. He had a bad feeling about this whole situation, but he got out and joined Olinsky.

"Who we meeting, Al?" he asked as he closed his door.

The driver side door of the other car opened, and somebody got out, but the lights made it impossible for Ruzek to get a good look at it.

Adam took a couple steps closer to Olinsky, "Al." He looked across the way again and saw the driver step around the headlights.

It was Hank Voight. He stepped in front of the lights and stood there, looking ready to kill someone.

"Don't look at me," Alvin told him, letting him know that he was in this alone. "Go on."

Oh God, they knew. Somehow they'd found out. Now he was a dead man. The worst Woods could've done was send him to prison. Voight would actually _kill_ him. Ruzek took a deep breath, and walked over towards the bright, blinding white lights, straight to his doom.

* * *

Will entered the waiting room and told the three detectives, "The surgery was a success, we got the bullet out _and_ we had to take Ruzek's appendix out as well. We've got the bleeding stopped, and he's going to be sent up to ICU in a minute."

"Can we see him?" Kim asked.

"In a little bit," he said. "We're going to keep an eye on him for any possible complications."

"Thank you," Voight told him.

Hank turned to Burgess and said to her, "Hope you don't mind, Al and I want first crack at him, see if he has any memory of what he was saying earlier and find out what it's about."

Kim nodded understandingly, "I get it. I'll be waiting."

* * *

Ruzek was in the cage. He didn't have any recollection of how he got there, but he was locked up like a common hood they pulled in off the street.

"Hello?" he called out, listening for any response, but there was none.

He tried again, "Halstead? Atwater? Platt? Anybody?"

Nothing.

"Anybody? Hello?"

Footsteps. Finally. Now he could find out what the hell happened.

Oh no.

Voight came down the stairs and entered the room, and he was doing something with his hands. Adam looked and saw Voight was pulling on a pair of black gloves.

"Boss?" he asked uncertainly.

Voight didn't answer, but his eyes were staring straight at Ruzek, and Adam felt himself step away from the cell door without even realizing he was doing it.

The door opened and Voight stepped into the cell. There wasn't enough room for Ruzek to have any shot at breaking past him and getting out, and he knew it, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Sarge, what's go-"

That was all Ruzek got out before Voight kneed him in the crotch and made him fall on his knees. Then Voight grabbed his head and slammed it against the bars. Ruzek was temporarily blinded and stunned by the pain, and Voight used that to his advantage. The next thing Adam was aware of was something adhesive being slapped against his mouth and he realized it was a strip of duct tape. He tried to get up but realized his wrists had likewise been taped above his head, and his ankles had been taped together, he couldn't move.

Adam forced his eyes open and saw Voight had a large evidence bag in his hands, and he reached in, and pulled out...Ruzek felt his eyes widen and his heart drop from his chest when he saw the stun baton in Voight's hand. He tried to scream, tried to move, but it was all futile.

As a cop, one thing you learned early on was to show no fear, and don't give in to pain. If a criminal got the upper hand and was torturing you, you showed no weakness, they fed off of it, they won. For the more violent criminals especially, it was fuel to them, to hear a victim's screams, to see the panic in their eyes, it set their brain's reward system through the roof and only ensured the torture would be prolonged as much as possible. But this wasn't a common criminal, this wasn't a serial killer, this was his boss, the man he'd worked for for years, the man he'd trusted with his life more times than once. And there was no way Ruzek could hide or even control the fear that was coursing through his veins at top speed now. This couldn't be happening, it shouldn't be happening, but somehow, for some reason he couldn't think of to save his life, it _was_ happening.

Ruzek winced at the electrical crackle that surged through the baton as Voight turned it on, then he stepped towards Ruzek. Setting the baton aside for a minute, Voight crouched down over Ruzek, grabbed two fistfuls of Adam's shirt and ripped it open, then he picked the baton back up and rammed it against Ruzek's chest. He heard another crackle of electricity but the actual feeling of it running through his body drowned out the noise. Through his duct tape gag, Ruzek screamed as loud as he could, which wasn't enough for anybody but Voight to actually hear him. The bastard was actually smiling at him. Ruzek had seen that smile before, reserved specifically for the worst perps on Voight's list, it was an omen of worse things to come. Ruzek felt another charge go through his chest and his whole body jerked and he screamed again. He could feel his flesh searing and the acrid smell of his skin burning was filling his nostrils and sickened him. A third time Voight shocked him, and Ruzek screamed again. He expected at any second for his heart to explode in his chest.

* * *

"No...no...stop! Please stop!"

"Ruzek! Wake up!"

Adam heard that gravelly voice. He knew that voice. He couldn't place it right away, but he knew it. He opened his eyes and realized he'd been asleep. His surroundings didn't come into focus right away. The first thing he saw was bright lights over his head. He closed his eyes and opened them again, things looked slightly better, he tried again, and again, and finally he realized that it was Voight talking to him. And he also realized it was both Voight and Olinsky standing over him.

"Al!" Ruzek could barely even hear his own voice, but he hardly paid any attention to that. "You're alive!" He lunged up and tried to hug the older man standing over him.

"Whoa!" both of the older men pushed him back against the pillows.

"Take it easy, you'll get there," Olinsky told him as Voight pushed his arm back over the bed rail.

Adam laid his head back and looked around the room for the first time and thought to ask them, "What happened? What's going on? Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, genius," Alvin told him, "and you've been doing a good job out of scaring the hell out of everybody for the last three days."

"What?" Adam asked. "Three days? That's not..."

"You were shot, we brought you here, they operated on you, and when they moved you to ICU, you coded," Voight told him, "they had to shock you back. You were on the ventilator for 2 days, and had to be strapped down because you kept trying to rip it out. They took you off of it this morning, but you've been going in and out of consciousness for the last five hours."

"How about now?" Al asked. "It all starting to come back to you?"

It was starting to occur to Adam that his throat was killing him, along with every other part of his body, other things were slowly starting to dawn on him.

"So it was all a dream?" he asked as he rubbed his neck.

"What was?" Voight asked.

Adam thought back and tried to remember. It all seemed like a jumble now, he wasn't sure where the dreams started and what part of it was real, or if any of it was real. He wasn't sure where to start, so he just started with the memory of his sister calling him when she'd been arrested. Once he started, everything just spilled out, he wasn't even sure if the pieces all added up or not, if it was all in order, he just told everything as he remembered it, and hoped at some point they could give him a clue if any of it was real or not. But Voight and Olinsky just stood over his hospital bed and listened, neither of them saying anything, and just let him tell everything he remembered as he remembered it.

At first the only problem was how wobbly his memory was. The further along he recalled, the more he started to remember, and the more real it all became to him. The memories took on a life of their own and it became harder to give voice to the things he remembered. By the time he got to Olinsky's arrest, he could barely talk at all, but he pushed forward and continued, to Al being stabbed in prison, to the doctor coming out and telling Voight he didn't make it, to the whole case Intelligence worked to solve Olinsky's murder. Then to the cemetery, and to Voight trying to kill him for his role in getting Olinsky murdered. At some point during it all, his voice started breaking and tears started running down his face as he recalled every detail, and the further along he went, the harder it hit him to remember. Long before he could finish describing the nightmares that had been plaguing him over the last few days, he was hysterical and unable to speak coherently anymore, and borderline hyperventilating, the tears poured from his eyes like a dam bursting and couldn't stop, his eyes no longer able to focus on the two men standing over him. Olinsky lowered the rail on the side of the bed and grabbed Ruzek's arm, forcing the younger man to look at him. While he tried to get Ruzek to calm down, Voight went to the door and called for a doctor. Instead, he got Maggie.

"What's wrong, Hank?" she asked.

"This is," Voight pointed to Ruzek. "He needs to be sedated before he hurts himself."

Maggie went over to the bed and got a look at Ruzek and she told the sergeant, "I agree," and she went to get someone.

The monitors started screaming as Ruzek went into a series of violent convulsions, Voight and Olinsky tried to keep him restrained until somebody came in to inject something in his IV. After a few minutes Ruzek stopped convulsing, and stopped fighting them, and started to quiet down, as did the monitors.

"What the hell was that?" Voight demanded to know.

"I'd say an anxiety attack," Halstead answered.

The drugs weren't enough to fully knock Ruzek out, at least not yet. He could barely keep his eyes open but he started reaching out and faintly calling, "Al...Al, I'm sorry, so sorry."

"Hey, hey," Olinsky bent down for Adam to see him, "look at me, kid. Look at me." He saw Ruzek's eyes focus on him and he told the younger detective, "You saved my life, thank you. Now just let go, everything's going to be alright."

Ruzek's eyes shifted over towards Voight, it was getting harder for him to speak, but he continued to writhe against the bed and murmur something. Voight went over to the bed and looked down at him.

"It's okay, Ruzek, you done good, now go to sleep."

In a couple minutes, Ruzek stopped shaking, his breathing became deep and even, and his eyes fully closed.

Both older men stepped away from the bed and took in a collective sigh of relief.

"Alvin," Hank turned to his friend. "I know you put a lot on the line to get this guy into Intelligence and he means a lot to you, but..."

"Hank, if it turns out to be true, I'll take Ruzek out and shoot him myself," Olinsky knew what Voight was about to say, "but I gotta tell you, I just don't get that vibe off of this."

"Neither do I," Voight replied, "but then _what_ was Woods doing down here?"

"You know what he was doing," Al said, "same thing he always does, trying to get a rise out of you."

"Well it ain't working," Hank told him.

"Just make sure it doesn't," Al pointed out.

Voight turned back to the unconscious man and replied, "Either way, something's scared the hell out of that guy, I'd like to know what."

Voight went back to the bed and watched Ruzek while he slept. Only under heavy sedation was his body fully at rest, his breathing was normal, he wasn't writhing or shaking, the tears finally stopped running from his eyes like rain down a gutter. The ones that had already been shed during his pained confession had trailed down his face and were half dried, leaving a telltale mask on his skin. Voight went into the bathroom and Olinsky heard the faucet running. A few seconds later, he saw Hank come back out with a wet washcloth in his hand.

"By the time he wakes up again, his eyes are going to be glued shut," Voight said by way of explanation as he went over to the bed and carefully washed off the younger man's face.

"Hey Hank," Al said, "you think you can stay here and keep an eye on him for a while? I'm gonna head out and check on a few things."

Voight folded up the rag and answered, "Sure, Al."

"If Kim's still here I'll let her know she'd be better off going home for now," Olinsky said as he headed for the door.

* * *

Voight stood over Ruzek's hospital bed and watched him while he slept. How he wished he could open up the younger man's mind and find out what was making it tick right now.

There was a knock at the door and it opened, "Sergeant Voight."

Hank turned at the familiar voice. "Dr. Charles."

"I hope you don't mind me stopping in," the psychiatrist said as he shut the door behind him, "I heard about what happened earlier."

"I'm sure you did," Voight replied. "Tell me something, Doctor, what're the odds that any of what happened is due to the drugs he was on?"

Dr. Charles shrugged, "Anesthetic drugs are very powerful, and they have a long half life, it's possible for them to impair the brain's ability for up to several weeks based on how long someone's on them. In Ruzek's case, I'd say...give it a couple weeks before he's back at full speed."

"So it's possible what he was saying earlier was just a drug-induced hallucination?" Voight asked.

"What was he saying?"

"Sorry, Doctor, that's confidential."

Daniel nodded, "It's possible, it's also possible the drugs mixed with his subconscious and brought something to light he couldn't otherwise consciously admit. But if you want my professional opinion, wait until he's lucid and see what he remembers."

Voight nodded, then asked him, "You got a minute?"

* * *

Without going into any incriminating details, Voight gave Dr. Charles the long and short of Ruzek's dreams, betraying Voight and Olinsky in order to help his sister. The psychiatrist sat and listened as Voight explained all that he was going to admit to, and took it all in before telling the sergeant what he thought.

"So what this seems to be is a classic complex, Ruzek's subconscious is battling with the age old question if he had to pick one, who would he save, his biological family, or the one he has in your unit? It's always a no win situation. Both are equally important to him."

Voight nodded and grunted in response.

"As to the other side of it, even though Olinsky was ultimately the one who suffered most by his betrayal, what really scares the hell out of Adam is the thought of how _you_ would respond to it," Daniel added.

Voight folded his arms and nodded, "My men know I have unorthodox ways of dealing with problems. They've all seen how I work."

"And that notwithstanding, Ruzek's subconscious has entertained the thought what would happen if you dealt those same measures onto one of your own for something they did," Dr. Charles said. "The bottom line is that it matters very much to him, what you and Olinsky think of him."

"In our line of work, I'll take that as a compliment," Voight replied.

The door opened and Sharon Goodwin stepped in.

"Daniel...hi, Hank, Daniel, the Thompsons want to know if you'll talk to their daughter."

"Oh sure," Dr. Charles said as he stood up, as a parting word he told Voight, "Good luck."

"I'll probably need it."

Once Dr. Charles was gone, Sharon turned to Hank and said, "I heard there was a minor setback, I'm sorry, Hank."

Voight grunted in response. Then he told her, "Listen, Sharon, nothing against your security detail, but there could be retaliation for the shooting that Ruzek was in, so until he's discharged, I'm going to have two of my people in this hospital at all times, one out in the waiting room, and one in here with Ruzek."

"I can't say I blame you, the neighborhood where the shooting went down went up in flames the other day, apparently the shooter was the leader of a local gang and the rest of them took it as a hit from a rival gang, when they find out a _cop_ shot their leader instead," Sharon shook her head, "I don't envy you."


	3. Chapter 3

Voight sat next to Ruzek's bed and watched him sleep. In the two hours Alvin had been gone, Ruzek hadn't so much as stirred once.

The door opened and Olinsky stepped in, "Hey, man."

Voight turned in his chair and asked, "So we killing him or not?"

"I've been asking around," Al closed the door, "for the record, nobody has pulled over Ruzek's sister anytime recently."

"And off the record?" Voight asked.

" _Nobody_ has pulled over Ruzek's sister anytime recently," Al said. "So it looks like he's in the clear."

"That's good," Voight said. He genuinely liked Ruzek, but if Adam crossed them, Voight would have to resolve that problem, permanently, and it wasn't a thought he took any pleasure in, but he had to do what he had to do to keep his team safe.

"So, how's he?" Olinsky asked.

"Hasn't woken up," Hank told him, "how are _you_?"

"Fine," Al replied.

Voight looked at him. "You sure?"

In their line of work it was an everyday occurrence when the people you worked with put their lives on the line to help you, but it was very rare that one of them actually wound up taking a bullet for another.

"Yeah, I'm good," Al insisted.

Ruzek moaned in his sleep, followed by a sudden twitch. Voight reached over and patted him on the head, then realized something.

"He's got a fever," he said as he got up from his chair.

Foregoing decency or even leaving that job for the doctors, Voight pulled the blanket down and Ruzek's hospital gown up.

"The wound's infected," Voight headed for the door and told Al, "Watch him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Al was tempted to suggest Voight do the same, but instead decided to see what happened next. 15 seconds later Voight came back into the room practically dragging Dr. Choi by the collar of his scrub.

"What went wrong?" he demanded to know as he pointed to the man in the bed.

Dr. Choi examined the wound and told him, "I'm not sure. We'll get him started on antibiotics and see if that does it."

Ruzek's moans were louder now and he tried turning on his side and curling into a ball, but that wasn't happening.

"Sounds like the next round's begun," Olinsky said.

* * *

Ruzek lay on the floor of the cage, looking up at Voight who proceeded to kick the crap out of him. He'd already been doing it for Adam didn't know how long, but it felt like forever, and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Voight found a way to inflict even more pain on him.

Adam already felt like every bone in his body was broken and knew it was pointless to even try to move, try to get away, and had no choice but to lay where he was on the floor and take it, and knowing this fact didn't make it any easier. Voight lifted his foot and kicked him in the stomach, over, and over, and over. Ruzek would swear he could feel his intestines being knocked out of place and it felt like they were tying themselves up in knots. He tried rolling over on his side but couldn't move that far, all he could do was lay in a puddle of his own blood and moan as further abuse was heaped on him by his boss.

Suddenly he felt something else coursing up his stomach and through his body and he flopped over on his side just in time to throw up. Once he started he couldn't stop, and his whole body wracked violently with each spasm. Very quickly it felt like his whole body was trying to split in two. His throat burned all the way down to his esophagus like somebody forced him to drink battery acid. The violent spasms from the nausea were as bad as the beatings he'd taken from Voight. In the midst of all his pain and agony, one conscious thought ran through his mind. If he would've ever had any idea that this would happen, if he would've ever thought Alvin could die because he messed up, he would've told Woods to go to hell and turned himself in and gone to prison in the first place.

* * *

Ruzek woke up screaming and woke up in a darkened room, he was burning up, he was soaking wet, and he couldn't move. He screamed again, in full conscious terror this time at the realization he couldn't get up. He was paralyzed.

"Ruzek, calm down!" Voight's voice was right on top of him.

Adam stopped screaming and tried to figure out what was going on. It was too dark in the room to see much of anything, but he knew Voight was close, very close. Then it dawned on him why he couldn't move.

"It's alright, Ruzek, I got you."

It was slowly occurring to Adam that the restraint he felt against his upper body and his arms, was Voight, who had him in a painfully tight grip.

Realizing that everything had been a dream, Ruzek tried to breathe but he felt his heart pounding in his chest and he could feel his body shaking with every breath he took.

"It's alright," Voight told him, still maintaining his octopus hold on Adam. "It's over."

Ruzek got in a few particularly loud breaths and they left him just as quickly and he dropped his head on Voight's shoulder as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

* * *

"So did your infection clear up?" Kim asked as she walked behind Ruzek, pushing a wheelchair incase he got worn out too quick as he walked through the hospital to make sure he didn't get blood clots. He held onto his IV pole and pulled it along with him, and for his first day up and walking he had good balance, but his breathing was still labored.

"Yeah, apparently the antibiotics finally went to work instead of making me puke all night," he answered. Then he added, glad he couldn't see the look on her face as he explained, "So I wake up from a dream where Voight is trying to stomp me to death, and instead he has climbed into my bed and is pinning me down to make sure I don't rip anything out I might need." Behind him he heard Kim laugh, and he told her, "That part I can understand, but I'm not sure what to make of him insisting on staying while the orderly gave me a sponge bath." He turned towards her and asked, "Do you think that means something?"

She laughed again and told him, "For one it probably means you don't have anything he hasn't seen before."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"For another, he probably figured you'd handle his presence better than Al's, or Antonio's."

"What?" he asked.

"Voight decided until you're released, one of us is going to be in your room at all times just to make sure nobody tries to sneak in and kill you."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Ruzek asked.

Kim nodded her head towards the waiting room. Adam looked and recognized Jay Halstead seated in a chair pretending to look at a magazine while he 'impatiently' waited.

"Everybody's surprised there hasn't been a retaliation yet for that gang leader that Voight killed," Kim said, "he's not taking any chances."

Ruzek started to feel dizzy. "Okay, I need to sit down."

Kim pushed the wheelchair behind him till it touched the back of his knees and he rested on it momentarily, and a prolonged groan of agony escaped him when he did.

"I will like it when this is healed up," he told her. "I'm getting tired of having a stabbing pain every time I sit down or stand up or go to the bathroom or-"

"It could've been a lot worse, Adam," Kim pointed out.

"I realize that, but when I'm trying to get off the toilet, that's not very comforting," Adam replied.

She just laughed again.

Ruzek groaned as he stood up again, and was about to suggest heading back to his room, when they heard a sudden ruckus as paramedics wheeled in a man on a gurney through the automatic doors. Ruzek's eyes widened, he knew the man strapped on the gurney.

"What is it?" Kim asked.

"Stay here," he said as he took his IV and went to see what was going on.

One of the nurses at the front saw Ruzek coming and held up a warning hand, "Sir, you have to get back."

But Ruzek saw what he needed to see. Sure enough, it was Denny Woods on the gurney, and he wasn't looking so good. He had an oxygen mask covering half of his face and his eyes didn't seem to make contact with anything.

"I know that guy," he said, "what happened?"

"Somebody T-boned him on the expressway, now please get back and let the doctors work."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Ruzek asked.

But he could tell. As many years as he put on the job, he could tell. After a while you saw enough hopeless cases to learn when the eyes didn't lie. Woods was either already brain dead or close to it. Ruzek felt like his head was in a fog, and everything slowly drifted away. He turned around and slowly walked back towards Kim.

"What happened?" she asked.

He looked at her with a stunned look on his face, then somewhat nonchalantly said, "I'm ready to go back to my room."

Kim turned the wheelchair around and followed him, but noticed, though she wasn't sure what the cause for it was, that Adam seemed to have a bit more spring in his step now.

* * *

Voight was waiting for Ruzek when he returned to his hospital room. Adam quickly averted any eye contact and looked over and saw an overnight bag on the night stand. Voight had brought a spare change of clothes. Oh this couldn't be good.

"You can look at me, you know," Voight told him.

Ruzek slowly turned around and faced his sergeant. "I'm sorry about last night, Sarge, I really had no idea..."

Voight raised his hands in a knowing gesture and told him, "In this line of work we all get puked on at some time or another. It wasn't your fault."

There was a slight pause, before he added, "You saw Woods?"

"How'd you know about that?" Adam asked.

"I know everything," Voight said simply.

Ruzek said nothing and merely nodded.

"His daughter's going to be coming down here, she has to decide..." Voight didn't finish.

Ruzek looked at his boss and could see, despite whatever the two of them had gone through years ago, that this was still hard for him.

"I'm sorry, Sarge." He really had no idea what else to say.

"Olinsky and I are going to go see Brianna when she comes in, she'll need somebody for support either way," Voight told him.

Ruzek parked his IV and got back in bed. From what he'd been told since he didn't have much of an actual memory of the last few days, he was recovering well, but he'd been warned not to overdo it, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get out of the hospital as soon as possible.

Voight went over to the bed and told the younger cop, "There are a few things I wanted to bring up with you before I go."

"Okay?"

"First of all," Voight looked down at him with the most sincere eyes Ruzek had ever seen as he told him, "If you ever _do_ rat me out to Internal Affairs, I _will_ kill you."

Ruzek's eyes widened slightly, but he responded, "I know."

"Good, now that that's cleared up, second, I gave you the same speech I give everybody in my unit," Voight told him, "Tell _me_ the truth so I can lie for _you_. You remember, that, right?"

Ruzek nodded.

"No good ever comes of trying to use your badge to make something go away," Voight said. "If anything ever _does_ happen to your sister, or to anyone in your family, you call _me_ and I'll fix it. Got that?"

Ruzek nodded again.

"Good. Third thing. When you _do_ get released, you're going to be mandated to attend physical therapy for several weeks to ensure a full recovery. You _will_ attend, and you _will_ do exactly what they tell you, and _only_ when that's finished, will you be allowed to return to the 21st, you got that?"

Ruzek obediently nodded yet again.

"Smart man."

Adam nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Voight's hand on his head and it took every ounce of restraint he had not to respond as the older man patted his head, which Ruzek knew was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but instead only succeeded in freaking him the hell out.

"Take it easy," Voight said in his oh familiar tone that told Ruzek it was an order, not a suggestion. "I'll be back later."

* * *

"Ahh!"

Ruzek shot up in bed once again. This time the lights were on and he knew right away where he was and knew that what he had just experienced was a dream.

"What's the matter?"

Ruzek turned towards the voice and saw Antonio draped over the arms of a chair, looking half asleep.

"What're you doing here?" Adam asked.

"Brianna didn't take too kindly to the news the only way her father's coming off life support is to pull the plug," Dawson answered, "Voight and Olinsky are keeping her company while she makes her decision."

Ruzek shook his head and rubbed his eyes as he tried to snap fully awake. "Sorry you got dragged into this."

"No problem, there's a reason I got this detail," Antonio said as he folded his arms against his chest and closed his eyes.

"What's that?"

"Halstead, Atwater and Kim take shifts in the waiting room, Voight, Al and I alternate in here with you, the reason being we've all had kids, and once you do, you don't sleep through anything."

"That a fact?"

"Once Eva was born, I woke up if I heard the neighbor's phone ringing next door. So what's getting _you_ up?"

"Eh, it's dumb."

"Try me," Antonio replied.

Why not? He had time to kill. "I don't know what kind of drugs they got me on, but every time I fall asleep I dream Voight's trying to kill me."

"For what?" Antonio asked as he tilted his head back.

"For getting Alvin killed."

That got Antonio's attention and he sat up. "What?"

"He didn't tell you?"

Antonio shook his head.

Oh great.

"Then just forget I brought it up," Ruzek said.

"You _saved_ Al's life," Dawson reminded him.

"I know, but I keep dreaming he gets sent to prison because I screwed up, he gets stabbed and he dies. Then Voight's beating me within an inch of my life for it."

Antonio blinked a few times as he took this all in, and he told Adam, "Last time I got shot, I had some weird ass dreams, but nothing like that. Though if you want to talk real nightmare, picture waking up in bed with Trudy Platt."

Ruzek just stared at him.

"I mean she and I go back and I love her to death but...So yeah, whatever they pump us full of when they dig the bullets out, that's some crazy shit," Antonio said.

"Okay," Ruzek looked away, "that's a mental image I didn't need." For the first time since he'd come to the hospital, he laughed.

* * *

Voight and Olinsky were gone a long time, Ruzek didn't really keep track of the time, but he figured they would've been back long before they were. Antonio stayed with him, and for the longest time kept quiet so Ruzek would be able to sleep, but after a while and Adam's confession, it seemed obvious that that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. So instead he picked up the remote to see what was on TV that they could wile away the time while they waited. He looked over and saw Ruzek didn't seem to be paying attention to anything, and decided to force his friend to at least participate in a conversation.

"Hey look," Antonio said as he put the remote down, "Temple of Doom's on." He looked over and Ruzek didn't make any indication he'd heard him. Antonio moved his chair closer to the bed and said to him, "Tell me if I'm wrong, I can easily see that spinning cage of death becoming the next big ride at all the theme parks. I could see Diego standing in line to go on something like that. Of course, I can just hear my wife insisting I go on it with him incase something happens. That's just what I need, right? For everybody in the department to see a video somebody posted of me throwing up going round and around and around..." Still nothing. "Come on, man, you don't have anything to say?"

Ruzek just stared at the wall ahead of him and said in a drained tone, "I just don't feel like talking."

The door opened and Voight and Olinsky somberly stepped in. Ruzek sat up in his bed and Antonio started to get up from his chair.

"It's over," Voight said simply.

Ruzek exhaled and closed his eyes as he took in the news.

"How's Brianna?" Antonio asked.

Voight shook his head. "Not good. I had Trudy escort her home."

"So what happens now?" Antonio asked.

"Traditional police funeral, we'll all be expected to attend, regardless of our own reservations," Voight answered.

Hank looked at the man in the bed and saw Ruzek's eyes focused on the wall beside him, distancing himself from the whole conversation.

"Antonio," Voight turned to Dawson.

"Yeah?"

"Beat it," Voight gestured to the door.

"Got it," Antonio moved to leave.

"Hang on, I'll come with you," Olinsky said as he followed the younger detective out, leaving Voight and Adam alone.

Voight noticed now that it was just the two of them, Ruzek especially seemed to be trying to bore a hole into the wall.

"It's alright, whatever you got to say, just say it," Voight told him.

Slowly Ruzek turned to look at him, and he responded, "I'm sorry, Sarge, I know he was a friend of yours."

" _Was_ , that was a lifetime ago," Hank corrected him.

"Still, it has to be hard," Adam said.

"Harder on account of his daughter," Voight explained. "She doesn't know what he did back in the day, she doesn't know the things he was capable of doing." He looked at the younger detective laying in the bed and told him, "It's alright, there's nothing wrong with being relieved when someone dies."

"Are you?" Ruzek asked.

"Let's just say I'm not that broken up about it," Hank answered.

"Uh, Boss, they ever find out what happened to the driver of the other car?"

Voight shrugged, "Just some drunken teenager being stupid, got banged up a little, now he's going to get a life sentence for killing a cop."

Ruzek groaned and shook his head.

* * *

Denny Woods's funeral was a few days later. Ruzek hadn't been discharged from the hospital yet, and it had been decided that somebody from Intelligence would stay with him while the others put in their appearances at the funeral, so Antonio spent another day seated next to the bed trying to get Ruzek to open up about something, anything, and most of his attempts were like talking to a brick wall.

After the service, Voight dropped by the hospital, changed out of his dress uniform back into his regular clothes, and gave Antonio the signal to leave, which he did without needing to be told twice. Voight went over to the bed and looked at Ruzek, and for a minute he didn't say anything, then...

"The doctors tell me you can be back on solid foods by now," Hank told him. "So would you mind explaining to me why I keep getting calls from the hospital saying you won't eat?"

Ruzek shrugged his shoulders and weakly responded, "Food doesn't interact well with the meds they got me on."

"You're not going to get out of here anytime soon if you don't eat," Voight told him, "And I know that bed isn't that comfortable. What's going on, Ruzek?"

"I don't know, Sarge."

"I've also got it on good authority you haven't been sleeping," Voight looked at him. "All you're doing is throwing yourself into a setback, how long do you seriously want to be in this hospital?"

"Sarge, I..."

Voight looked at him knowingly. "More nightmares?"

"Not more," Ruzek said, leaving out the point that you couldn't have more nightmares when you didn't sleep.

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't know," Adam answered. "Until I got shot, _nothing_ that's been running through my mind ever occurred to me...it all felt so real, for a while I thought it was, I really thought that I'd set you up, and I got Al killed."

"And you see Olinsky's alive, you saw Woods, I saw him buried today," Voight said. "So you know it can't possibly happen."

"I know," Ruzek said. "But I can't shake the feeling that something's wrong, and I just don't know what it is."

"What's wrong is you got shot and almost died," Voight told him. "It shouldn't have happened, but it did. By dumb luck the bullet missed your vest by 2 inches, otherwise we wouldn't be here in the first place, you wouldn't have been bleeding out on the street, we wouldn't have had to rush you here, you wouldn't have spent 3 days in and out of consciousness."

"And I wouldn't have been here to see Woods brought in," Ruzek added. "I know what you said, Sarge, but...God help me...seeing him on that gurney, seeing that dead look in his eyes, and knowing, just knowing, that things could never happen like I dreamt they did...I was glad."

"It's okay, I told you," Voight said. "You hadn't yet had the problem of knowing Woods like I do, all the same I'm going to give you a piece of advice. It's okay to forgive people when they're dead, they can't hurt you anymore and you get the final say on it."

Ruzek slowly nodded and replied, "Thanks, I guess that makes sense."

"I have to go later and see Brianna, but Al's going to be with you tonight," Voight said.

"You still think somebody could come in here gunning for me?" Ruzek asked.

"All I know is hospitals are a dangerous place, people die in them all the time, a lot of times very unnaturally," Voight responded. "Until you're discharged, I'm taking no chances."

Ruzek was surprised. "You really worry about me, don't you?"

Voight thought back to the van ride over, fighting with Ruzek to keep him pinned down for the ride over, remembered Adam's blood on his hands. "You have no idea."


End file.
